Wise Words Courtesy of Today's Dessert

"Sing because this is a food our starving world needs. Laugh because that is the purest sound."
                  ~Hafiz

Dear You~

"By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before."

 ~Edwin Elliot

Moving Through the Doldrums

Ahoy! There be a light at the end of this tunnel!

I've been trying to sleep my life away, apparently. That's what I do when I'm dealing with The Downs. Depression just paints everything nap-colored. So it's doubly difficult to accomplish anything when the down-and-dirty Downs are running amok. But I tried. And since this blog is technically a 'studio blog' about art and stuff, I thought I'd share with you what I've managed to create in spite of The Downs.

My eldest daughter is expecting her first child in April, and I found myself recently trying to decide on a shower gift for her. I, of course, wanted to give her the moon! But I can't, so I turned to art instead. (Please know that in my head, art is rarely if ever an appropriate gift. When a customer tells me that the art they've just purchased from me will be a gift, my stomach ties itself in knots. Art is terribly personal. It's not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. It has to fit the giftee's style.)

Creating something by hand is the only way I can afford to give a gift of quality. There are those in my Girlz' extended families who can not only buy the moon itself but also the one-of-a-kind crackers to spread it on, and I can't compete with that. But I can give my he'art.' My mom reminds me that what I've created will be an heirloom, that my grandkids will one day as adults look at my work and think, "My grandmother MADE this. For ME." And I try to imagine it, but I can't. I've made what I've made because it's all I can give. I like to hope it's enough, but in my head it's no moon....

So I thought long and hard about what I'd create for my Eldest -- a fierce go-getter who has run a triathalon, climbed a mountain, and gone to hell and back again via Iraq. Her nursery plans are all about Adventure and Travel, and the room will be in hues taken from antique maps. I liked the limitations; it'd narrow down my choices and rein in my imagination. 

Scrapbooking pages with the Equator all lined up.

Keeping her theme in mind, I began to collect my ideas. My first step was to find a frame that I could afford, and the Universe kindly led me to a gilded triptych with a parchment-colored mat. And then I found scrapbooking paper designed like old map pages. Things were coming together. When I got home, the first thing I did was to line up the equator of my three map pages so that they flowed from left to right in a grand arc, just like a globe. Then I secured them to the frame's mat with art tape.

Cute and sweet meets mischievous and adventuresome.

All the while I was doing this I toyed with characters. Since my daughter and her husband have decided not to know the sex of their baby prior to birth, I chose to use an animal character in the picture I'd design for them. I wanted something that would seem cute and androgynous, something that could appear in an adventure theme and still look sweet even while it's climbing a mountain or wrestling a bear, something that would be appropriate in the nursery of either a boy or a girl. So I chose a mouse. And because of the theme, the mouse would have to be doing something over-the-top. And because of the triptych frame, it'd have to be doing it in threes.

Tinting the drawing with pencil.

My first idea was a mouse in an old-fashioned hot-air balloon (in keeping with the old-fashioned-ness of the gilded frame and the tea-stained map pages). I sketched an idea directly onto stiff watercolor paper and made everything larger than the 5x7 mat opening because I wanted the final work to sit on top of the mat and look 3-dimensional. Then I outlined the sketch in waterproof marker and delicately tinted it in colored pencil.

Background bits are removed so the map can show through.

My next idea was to put the same mouse in a boat. Again I sketched my idea onto watercolor paper (this time using a lightbox to illuminate my original mouse-in-a-balloon drawing under a blank sheet of paper to ensure that both drawings would be similarly sized). Then I inked it and tinted it in the same shades as the balloon drawing. Nothing too girly-girly, nothing too testosterone-y. Mostly everything was in gold parchment shades with the occasional salmon pink and seafoam for some color relief.

So now I had travel by air and travel by water. The third scene in the triptych would be travel by land. I began to sketch out a mouse on a camel, only I changed it immediately to a giraffe for the bright yellows and interesting pattern shapes. But it didn't take me long, however, to dump the idea of the third sketch altogether in favor of a verse, something in the middle that the other two drawings could point to and frame. I figured I'd search for a cool quotation on the Internet and so I left the verse for last....

I <3 the 3-D effect.

When the drawings were colored, I trimmed them from the watercolor paper with cuticle scissors and then cut the interior background bits out with an X-Acto knife so that the map would appear behind the designs proper. Then I stuck little foam scrapbooking stickers to the backsides of the drawings to make them 3-dimensional and secured them to the map pages on the triptych frame.

My attempt at writing verse. :)

Then there was the problem of the verse.... I looked all over the Internet and couldn't find just exactly what I wanted, so I decided at the last moment to write something my own self. I printed the words onto parchment-colored linen paper, then trimmed the verse to look as though it had a deckle edge. I gave it the same 3-D treatment by elevating it above the map page with scrapbooking stickers. Then all was framed.

Voila.

So that's that. A bit of sunshine managed to part the clouds of my Doldrums and help me create a little something for my future Grandbug that I hope will make a mark on his or her heart. Or at least remind them once in a while that they can do anything. Because they can.

Of that I have no doubt. :)
...

Still, Still Waters.......

There are doldrums, and there are Doldrums. And then there are Dreaded Doldrums. And sometimes the best a person can do is just ride them the heck out.

 

I know you know what I mean. You've probably experienced them, too. You may even be far better at this than I am, and if so, I hope you'll share your coping mechanisms and help me start a dialogue. Because I need all the help I can get.

 

I can usually sense the Dreaded Doldrums approaching from a day or two away, and there are things I can do ahead of time to (hopefully) make them easier. Like clear my calendar and get some books in order. Maybe some pencils. 

 

And then the Walking Away From Communication begins. Facebook rubs my skin raw. Emails make me nervous. A ringing telephone feels like a personal violation. Spoken words hurt my ears. I retreat from people, pull myself in and talk in one-word sentences. Others begin their conversations sharply, "WHAT'S WRONG!?", like they suspect I'm angry and they're just protecting themselves by throwing the first punch.

 

If there are things on my schedule that cannot be avoided, I search the closet for some SuperHero duds, something I can put on like a costume and a mask to hide behind and make people think I'm OK. Often it's just my standard black tee and jeans and boots (heaven help me if I am expected to attend something special). I'll take the time for mascara, even. And I think I'm practiced at this enough to fake the world into not noticing me at all, or at least not noticing my discomfort. But when I'm wearing that Cloak of Invisibility, my mom still sees me and feels compelled to comment. "You never wear anything cute and colorful! You're always hiding!" She's on to me....

 

I dislike these rough patches. They take time. Days pass as I see them approaching. Days pass as I float along in limbo, feeling nothing and feeling EVERYthing (not sure what's worse...). Days pass as I stitch myself together again, thread by thread. And eventually I'm almost human once more, pretending to be creative and cheerful and sometimes almost believing that I really am. But the patchwork-ed-ness of these tears and repairs are getting dodgy. The older I get, the more threadbare I am....

 

Writing about Depression in an art blog seems superfluous. Like you can't address creativity without at least noticing the sad dog that follows it around. But I can't ignore it here. I can't. I'm not like those other artists / bloggers, the ones that -- day-in and day-out -- are nonstop Rainbow Brites on espresso, spewing sparkles and unicorns and big puffy hearts. How do they do that??

 

I envy them. I hate them. I want to be them. And I try....

 

The bottom line is: no one wants to read about my pain. They don't want me to infect them or expose them to my sad germs! They want me to make their day better, they want to leave here with a smile on their face. And I have to find a way to do that, even during the Doldrums. 

 

Is that what those other Rainbow Brite bloggers have figured out? Do they have someone ghostwriting their posts while they're curled up in bed, trying to sleep the pain away? Or are they lying? Acting all cartoony and full of color when they're not? And if so, doesn't their deception depress them even more?

 

I wish I knew.

So for the record, feel free to read between the lines here. For every puffy heart and exclamation mark I try to sneak in, please know there's a dark hurty hole that I'm hiding. I don't want you to think I'm being dishonest. But I'm going to try to disguise my inner Sad Girl as often as possible, so that you'll enjoy your visits and come back.

That being said, chamomile or Earl Grey? And the only cookies I have are shortbread. No sprinkles. And please take three; they're small.

*Big sigh and a shaky smile*

SO glad that's out of the way! How have YOU been, my friend?

...

A (Rather Belated) Happy New Year!

I've meant to do this since Day One of the New Year and have been so busy that I've just plum forgotten! So here goes:

Big hugs and thankyous to YOU, my dear followers, for reading my words and sharing your thoughts here. Your continued support means the world to me, I hope you know. And writing to you is a pleasure. :)

And big welcomes to all who care to join us in the New Year! There's plenty of room here for you (yes, you!), so grab a Sit-Upon and get comfy, 'k?

A toast: To creative endeavors and camaraderie! And may 2012 not only meet our needs and make us smile but also be absolutely flocked with stars and fairy dust and wild imaginings.

Ready? Let's play!

...delayne.
...

Signs and Symbols

Such a weird day. Such a wonder.... I'm far inside myself somewhere, interpreting signs in everything I see like the weirdling that I am.

 

I was feeling particularly toxic earlier and so I hied my ownself out into the cold. Layers and layers, except for my face, because that icy wind straight to my forehead opens up my brain like nothing else. It startles me like a slap upside the head. Wakes me up.

 

And it surprised me to see my Minnesota neighborhood in the very heart of January with no snow to speak of. It's not like I didn't already know this, but again -- the cold opened my eyes and made me really see it.

 

Friends are quick to scold me lately when I say anything negative about the weather, like how weird is it anyway that our winter is so unwinterlike. I don't mind the unseasonableness of it, necessarily. There was a time when waiting for the schoolbus in negative temps and without a coat was uncomfortable but certainly do-able. But not anymore. My bones caught up. Now reaching into the freezer for my supper ingredients is enough to set me back a bunch. So it's not like I haven't enjoyed being able to navigate the Village on foot with no icy sidewalks and bulky snowbanks to impede me and just a sweatshirt to warm me. I'll admit it's convenient. But still.... It's odd and noticeable. Plus, in my head I'd imagined November - December - January being all about Me trapped in Tumbledown with my books and my pencils, happily creating art at my leisure while blizzards rage.

 

There's still plenty of time, I know. January's not over yet. And truth be told, even WITH the bad weather of my imaginings I wouldn't have been able to devote any time to personal creative endeavors anyway. Things have been that out of whack around here.

 

But I can't help but see this weather and make it be All About Me. Like it's a sign or something. The Universe telling me to wake the heck up already and get it in gear. There's no time for cocooning or reading or leisurely anything.

 

Things need doing.

 

NOW. 

 

And there's no time like the Present.

...

WHOA!

Something's happening.

Something weird and magical.

It's a good kind of weird and a Magickal kind of magical. And I'm not sure where it's going, but it wants to go there FAST.

Poor Clueless Me has it by the foot, trying to slow it down or something... keep it grounded. Because it's frightening.

But the thing has wings. STRONG ones. Strong-and-getting-stronger ones. Soon I'll either have to let go and watch it vanish forever, or hang on and let it pull me into the scary Unknown.

I don't do Scary well. And I steer clear of the Unknown. I do things ssslllooowwwwwww. I do my research, I weigh my options. I'm not big on surprises. I want to know what's coming, what to expect. I hide. In every way. And I hide well.

But this Something doesn't care. I think it created itself just to drag me screaming out of my comfort zone. And the dang thing doesn't look like something I can reason with. It's bigger than me. It has a no-nonsense expression. And scales.

And it wants to leave NOW. Right this very minute what am I doing sitting at the keyboard no time for typing we must be on our WAY!

I wish there was time enough to change out of my jammies and put on some Superhero duds. Because this feels Life Changing. And not just for me.

(*Cringe*) SO not sure about this! What if I let go? Fail? Heck -- what if I FALL?? Fall on my face!?

Wait, waitwaitwait! I've got stuff on my plate! I've got a routine! I take MEDS. I'm OLD, I take naps now, I hurt when I get up in the morning. (And dang it! I hate that it's just looked over its shoulder at me and given me the laser stare -- apparently it thinks what I've just written here is a crock.)

From my experience (this soul has read a lot of fairytales), when Magick says It knows what It's doing, we mere mortals find out the hard way that It's RIGHT.

SO.

(*Gulp!* Grabbing my robe at the neck and holding on TIGHT)

Here we go, I guess!
...