I woke yesterday with a strong need to erase parts of myself and recreate them. Not the outside stuff, exactly. I like the age I am and the way I look. (Although I'd be happy to redraw new internal bendy parts and digestive bits, thank you....)It's the Past I'd like to tweak. And the Little Girl I used to be. And the Clueless Adult she grew into. All the times she should've said no. The things she did for others without a thought for herself, and the relationships she chased in vain for validation. And the people she hurt because she was hurting....
And with that strong need to erase and recreate myself, I felt a giddy temptation to eradicate my online presence. Erase this blog, take down my Facebook fan page, close my Etsy store, everything....
Not sure why, exactly. Because I'm fine with how things are. No one's trolled me or hurt my feelings or anything. Just, suddenly, I wanted it swept clean so I could start again from the beginning (or even not start again at all). And I could half-imagine what my life would be like without this online connection. And the feeling was nice....
Please don't think this has anything to do with Wonderful You. You're my beloved reader, my single awesome fan! The special person who watches my videos and comments on my posts and 'likes' my updates and shares my Tweets and 'hearts' my Instagrams and buys my Etsy stuff.... It'd be rather selfish of me to disappear after you've spent your precious time online being my friend and giving me a follow....
Perhaps I just need to step away from the computer for a bit. Get out of my head. Quit being influenced by Perfect Others online. Take a break, refresh, and return when I feel like myself again.
A sweet friend agreed I should do just that but suggested that before I 'go' I leave you this message (or something like it):
"I'm off gathering inspiration and will be back sometime in the future. In the meantime, I hope you find magic in the everyday events surrounding you. I look forward to hearing about it when I return!"Sounds intriguing, doesn't it? Like the person who wrote that packed up their magick pencils, grabbed their cloak, hopped on their broomstick, and set off on a Grand Adventure.
I wonder what she did, where she went, what she saw? I wonder how it all changed her into the new-and-improved being she's so desperate to become?
Hmmmm....... (*pleasant sigh*)
Even I look forward to hearing about it.
~delayne.
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