Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Meet My Newest Muse
I've got a lot of hats now, all of them odd in one way or another....
I was just a 20-something kid when I gave birth to my girlz. And during their vulnerable, growing-up years I spoonfed them nothing but Drama-with-a-BIG-D. (Sorry, Girlz; a day doesn't go by that I don't wish I'd handled things differently....)
But in spite of all my selfish wailings and chewings of scenery they quickly outdistanced me in the Functioning Adult department and have since grown into beautiful, amazing women living fabulous lives, both of them now happily married, and the Youngest a mother to a daughter of her own.
James was sure I'd have a major meltdown about becoming a grandmother, and I admit now that I was a little afraid that I would, too. Magically, I was asked to be in the delivery room for the baby's birth, and that might've made all the difference, as the event probably ranks highest on my list of I-Can-Die-Happy-Now moments.
I confess that I didn't watch my own babies come into the world. My eyes were closed, for one thing, because I was pushing my insides out through the eye of a dang needle! (Were epidurals even available then? and if so, why wasn't I aware??) Plus, I have to admit that I was more than a little afraid of what my own lady parts must look like in their trauma of stretching to hell and back! Yet, my daughters' births were still indescribable... And totally monumental... And crazy-ass breathtaking miraculous in an only-another-mom-can-know-what-this-is-like kinda way.
I just wish I'd watched now.
Because I did watch the grandbug. And there are no words to describe what I witnessed.
I felt afterwards as though a veil had been wafted aside and I'd accidentally seen The Big Secret. I was afraid that if I dared to blink it would all be erased from my memory. Truthfully? I didn't sleep for days. I kept replaying it all over and over again. I wrote it down. I tucked it in my heart....
My dear grandbug arrived with sparkles and spells and awesome special powers. She transformed my James from a kid-hatin' bachelor into a guy who turns into a sweet blithering idiot whenever she takes his hand. She's turned quiet Tumbledown into a home where Sesame Street blares and mac & cheese boxes line the pantry shelves. She's given me a new lease on life.
And now she's almost two years old. I am her biggest fan! My heart breaks a bit every time our eyes meet or she pulls my face down for a kiss. I feel my age.... And I pray to live forever because of her.